Fuck it all

So I've been killing myself by going to work while sick at a job that may actually be firing me this week if I am unlucky, we'll see on that, but it brought up a thing.

I got into an argument with a friend of a friend on Facebook earlier this week in a now deleted comment thread, my friend was concerned that he might be fired over a communication issue that his boss had, the commentator on the other hand held the competing position of "Shut up it is impossible for your boss, the noble small business owner, to do wrong." I am taking liberties with the exact wording and especially the spelling here, but you get the drift.

The thing about small business owners is many of them aren't actually very good at business, or if they are they are bad managers, or communicators, or any of a billion other things that are required when you run a business, you are not being a bad person when you criticize your small business owner boss, even in public.

Actually it doesn't matter who your boss is, small or otherwise, you should be able to criticize them without fear, and to do many other things without fear as well, like call in sick. I should have spent the entire last week in bed, but because I need the shit out of a better job I powered through, I still don't have my voice back and I don't know if I will for another few days, and I count myself lucky that I have this job that pays significantly more per hour and gives more hours than my previous one. But it should be better.

This isn't about a specific employer or otherwise, it is about one of the more subtle methods of control the system has over the low income worker. The idea that we should be grateful for what we have, and probably more importantly, that being grateful means you shouldn't be wanting more.

My friend was not wise to make his post on Facebook in today's world if he wanted to keep his job, people have certainly been fired for less, but he should have been free to do so without fear, I probably shouldn't be complaining like I do right now, and I definitely shouldn't have posted some of my comments about Levy when I worked for them that I did, but I shouldn't have needed to worry about that. I should be able to call in sick when I am sick without fear that my job won't be there for me when I get back. I shouldn't live in a world where taking cough syrup has a chance to ruin a shot at changing my life.

But that is the world we live in, and it wants us to shut up and take it, it wants us to joyfully take it and do the work of defending the system for it because we only deserve what our betters choose to give us, we aren't qualified to know what we need, only they are, and it is people like the douchebag from last week that internalize the idea completely.

We should keep our noses to the grindstone, do as we are told, and our ability will be recognized if it is worthy. That is the lie we live with every day and it is so flagrantly wrong it makes me want to scream, if it were true my new job that puts my combined household income slightly above the poverty line wouldn't be the literal life changing lifeline that it is. If that were true my mother wouldn't have to work at the Moda Center to make enough money to stay in debt. If that were true more than exactly one of my social circle from high school would be living a lifestyle that could be described as Middle Class today.


Talent and ability isn't rewarded or recognized, it is abused and taken advantage of until it is gone, worn away through lack of care and motivation.

I am not the greatest talent in the world I admit, I will never be a Steve Jobs, or even a Donald Trump, the rags to riches story will never describe Logan Britadesco unless it is in the context of a lottery win, but that doesn't mean I deserve to live in poverty my whole life, I have talents, I can actually manage a store pretty well, I can throw down on the line during a rush, I can train and provide support to employees, I am good at the skills that I have ended up acquiring, they deserve recognition and compensation but I know they are unlikely to receive it in the manner they are due, and I am even more unlikely to be able to exercise them in exactly the manner I desire ever again.

That doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

I can still enjoy my job, (I do even!) I can still recognize that where I am now is better than where I was, and know the opportunity for more is at least a possibility, (assuming I don't get terminated for the drug test thing) I can even be grateful to my boss for choosing to hire me when he probably had a lot of choices about who to pick.

But I don't have to be happy about it, I don't have to be content to not want more, I don't have to be an apologist for the abusive excess of capitalism that is slowly eroding the rights people fought an died for to acquire. I can be mad that I feel it necessary to risk long term health consequences by working while sick, I can be furious that fellow workers at the bottom buy into this crap and actively work against those around them who feel like they are worth more.

The job isn't life, if the job is intended to be life than it needs to do more than allow for survival, you owe no employer any more loyalty than they pay you for, and even that needs to be a fair wage.

I can't change this yet, I can't make it better for myself or anyone else, but I can at least not make it worse by claiming we deserve it.

Fuck it, burn it down, put em all against the wall, etc, etc, you know the rest.