Anecdotes from the road

I've had a few interesting encounters doing my deliveries, nothing too scary save for one event, but I figured I'd list some of the more notable things here tonight. All these anecdotes are presented largely judgement free, I really don't give a damn what people do or look like, especially in their own home, exceptions are when they interact with me personally in ways I find alarming.

The scary thing I mentioned was a dude tried to open my car door with me in it as I was leaving a delivery, it was very strange, I walked past him on the way to my car, we exchanged good evenings, then I got in and I guess he immediately forgot I existed and checked my door? Guy was off his head on something I am sure and probably just forgot I was there as soon as I left his immediate field of view, I had the windows down but the door was locked, when he discovered the door was locked he, again without acknowledging me, said "Never mind" and wandered away. I assume he was just looking for whatever easily accessed things he could take but man I am glad my door was locked. I have no idea what I would have done if he opened the damn thing.

You know the stereotypical porn set up where the girl greets the delivery guy in a skimpy robe? She usually claims to be broke and the two work out a mutually agreeable alternate source of payment, sausage is involved. I am not saying that happens to me but I get a surprising amount of women coming to the door barely clothed. I am not judging, they are at home and if they are comfortable more power to em. I always wonder though if any of them were thinking of working the above scenario, only to change plans when they saw me on the porch instead of a hot dude. I imagine the answer to that wonder is no but it amuses me to think so.

I am pretty sure I did get invited to a similar scenario once though, I was delivering to a hotel and the customer wanted it poolside, no big deal, I arrive and the two women there invited me to join them for a swim, no problem that I didn't have any appropriate attire. A few things stopped me:

1. Happily married.
2. Would get super fired.
3. Not into threesomes
4. One woman was about my age, no problem, but the other was clearly her mother and that is kind of weird.
5. They were at least a bottle and a half into the wine, no consent possible.
6. The younger woman had a son who looked to be about four years old and was determinedly removing his pants while I was there.

All in all, not the sexiest of scenes possible. They tipped pretty well though so that was nice.

Pretty sure I delivered to a small orgy/sex party the other day. The guy who opened the apartment door was naked except for an extremely tight leather/pleather thong designed to emphasize the bulge, if you get my drift. The thong also had the bat symbol on it. He was extremely sweaty, the lights were low, and the air smelled heavily of oils. The door was not opened wide so I didn't get to see what else was in the apartment except for his dog who was vigorously opposed to me arriving at the door.

He tipped well too.

Today was a day for pumpkins, I don't know why but sitting near the doorways inside a couple apartments I noticed cut jack'o'lanterns, and several other places I delivered to had un-decorated gourds sitting outside their doors, Halloween didn't get moved did it?

I once enraged a random passer by when I told them I was not interested in joining their multi-level marketing scheme and would really like to just get by him so I could make my delivery. I told him I'm trying to do my job and he yelled back: "You're trying to do your job? Well I'm trying to retire by thirty!" I told him he could find someone else to help with that and went on my way. As I was heading back to the car I noticed he had cornered a woman who I think lived on the street and was putting the hard sell on her for it, I kept on eye on things but she took his card and he left without making a scene. For her sake I hope his scam isn't, but ya know, I am not really holding my breath.

One of my regulars when I work in Southeast Portland is a woman who lives in an apartment complex notorious for the complete lack of logic of it's layout. I'm mostly used to it now but it's a pain in the ass. Anyway, I've delivered to her at multiple times, and at multiple days of the week, and I am convinced all she does is exercise and eat gluten free pizzas, because she is always in exercise gear and that is all she orders. It's working for her and she seems like a cheerful sort whenever I deliver so good on her I guess.

As I said earlier, I present these with no judgement save for the stories that inconvenienced or scared me personally, all these folks are living their lives and honestly they seem to be living their best lives possible so more power to them. My encounters with them made my day a little stranger, brighter, or both, and in that manner we all improve.