A bit of over-analyisis

In a dramatic move, Jeff Flak pushed Kavanaugh's nomination out of committee and to a floor vote, however he stipulated that he wanted an FBI investigation before that vote would take place, and for some reason everyone with the power to make that happen agreed. There is some confusion over how in depth of an investigation is allowed, or even possible, given that they have a one week deadline, but it's something I guess.

Much has been made of the restrictions that the White House has put on the investigation, but the president has also stated that "There are no restrictions" or something to that effect so the question on that front boils down to if he is lying or did he really just completely reverse his decisions in less than twelve hours, either option is possible and I honestly don't know which it is. He doesn't want his nominee to fail buuuuuut he also does not like seeing people he has tied to himself looking like idiots on national television, and people, Kavanaugh looked like an incredible idiot. This is clear to people from all points on the political spectrum, some defend his reactions sure, but no one credible thinks they made him look good.

Let's talk about that reaction for a little bit shall we? He cried, yelled, interrupted, and was generally just a big baby about the whole ordeal, what makes his reaction so different than say, Hillary Clinton after she endured eleven hours of questioning about Benghazi? On the face of it, they are both career politicians, both made a life out of speaking in public and having to make their communications clear, crying is generally not appreciated in the courtroom, at least not when lawyers or judges do it, just as it isn't appreciated on the international political stage.

Leaving aside the double standard that he is allowed to have reactions like that while she wasn't, why did he have a reaction at all?

I suspect there are two things influencing him, to what degree I do not know, the first is that to succeed at a high level in politics, and yes, someone in a position to be nominated to the Supreme Court is playing politics at a high level; you might need to be a bit of a narcissist. One of the many signs of narcissism is the inability to let something be about other people. When Dr. Ford gave her testimony she mostly held herself together while describing a traumatic event, but her emotion at certain points made in impact on the public eye, and the people in the room. As anyone who has interacted with a narcissist knows, it is not acceptable for other people to have reactions when they are involved, so Kavanaugh's whole display at least has an element of insincerity there, particularly the parts where he cried, honestly I watched clips and they felt forced to me. I could be wrong I admit, but to me he looked like an actor.

The second part is more authentic, particularly during his more angry phases of the testimony. In those places I saw a man who for the first time in his entire life was facing consequences for his actions, what's more, I saw someone who for the first time in his entire life was having a specific thought, and that thought was "maybe I really was/am a piece of shit". In the course of his professional career, Kavanaugh must have had many chances to hear people lying to his face, and likewise to hear the truth, he's probably heard testimony from people who have endured far more than what Dr. Ford went through at his hands, and I think that last week, for just a moment, he realized that she wasn't lying, and the he had done a Bad Thing. Humans don't like to think of ourselves as bad, we all usually think we are good people, a credible challenge to that can cause cognitive dissonance, and how do we often react when we experience that? Why we lash out in anger! Because that is easier than self reflection!

Now all this is pure conjecture, but I think it holds up pretty well. Sadly we will likely never know the truth.

Now, lest you think I am defending the man, that I am saying that he is going to come out tomorrow saying "I fucked up, good lord, I have to withdraw my name and rethink my life.", I know he won't, that kind of thing only happens in timelines that aren't the worst. The only thing he will likely do, if he hasn't already, is ignore it during the day and drink at night until he has safely buried that reaction again, then return to the public eye full of the confidence that only a rich white man can have.