Discrimination.

I have spent literally the entire day watching TV, save for a little bit when I played computer games and now as I write this, it was nice.

I just got into a brief argument on the internet, as I do. The start of it was a post from a woman I don't know about how some people see equality in terms of who they can abuse. The very first response was from a man I don't know who wanted everyone to be aware that men get abused too.

So we argued a bit, he learned nothing, I learned nothing.

The thing is, he didn't seem like a bad guy, he probably vigorously opposes abuse and supports equal rights for women, at least when he thinks about it. But he, like so many other men, believes his cause is the most important priority. In this case his cause was the educate everyone that men get abused too and that when abused they often don't get taken seriously by the legal system.

While true, that wasn't the forum for it, and really most forums around the topics of gender imbalances in general aren't appropriate. What he, and many others fail to understand is that some discussions don't need someone arguing the men's perspective, some discussions don't have to be about men's issues, some discussions just don't need men in them.

This isn't about hating the gender, it just isn't appropriate. Just as if he had started a post about his pet issue and a woman stepped in talking about how they are treated in the legal system with abuse wouldn't be appropriate. Although that isn't strictly a fair comparison, because so many discussions of "men's issues" are in terms of men vs women it might actually be appropriate sometimes for a woman to chime in, at least to correct the record on the inaccurate facts that tend to pop up when men desperately try to convince themselves that they are being discriminated against.

Shit I had a point, oh yeah, the point is that despite what we tend to think, the presence of a male point of view is not always desired or welcome in a discussion, and that is okay. Let's be honest here, we(men) have the luxury of making virtually the entire world our forum to discuss our issues, we don't have to barge in to every space to get our voices heard, our voices are the default ones that everyone hears.

Our boy here thinks he is fighting the good fight by educated everyone that shit happens to all genders, he uses language that includes phrases like "see everyone as human first" and shit like that.

let's talk about language like that for a minute, stuff like "I don't see color" or gender, or whatever, on the surface sounds really nice, yay you treat everyone as if they were equal! You are such a good person!
But here's the thing: Everyone isn't equal, oh sure they should be, genetically they are, but ask a black woman if they feel like they are the same as a white man sometime, or a gay guy if they are equal to a straight person. Those people will likely tell you, if they have a reasonable level of self esteem, that damn right they are equal to everyone else, which you think would back up your argument, however they might follow it up with "So why won't anyone else recognize that?"

It's a great philosophy to hold, as a theory, but in practice, well, incarceration rates, rape convictions, and hate crime statistics tell a rather different story. When you say you don't see color, or that you see everyone as human, or whatever, what you are telling them is that their experiences of inequality are not valid, that, if they did experience what they say they have, that isn't symptomatic of a larger problem, it must be that people just don't like them or something. You are telling them their experiences and struggles don't matter to you, and they really should.

You personally may not be responsible for the trauma any victim of inequality endures, and it is traumatic even if it doesn't ascend to the level of bodily harm, but saying you don't see the reasons for that trauma doesn't actually help anyone heal. It also erases their identity, your black friend may not want you to treat him differently because he is black, but he usually would like it if you at least remember he is, it comes along with a lot of cultural baggage and background that make up who he is, at least some of which he is probably proud of. The same goes for anyone who experiences discrimination, be it sex, religion, gender, or sexual identity. They don't want to be treated like a white man, they want to be treated like who they are, and that treatment shouldn't include abuse and discrimination.

You see the difference? It's thin. It's not about rewarding identity, not really, it's about not punishing identity.

Part of how that starts is letting people have their space, it starts with not assuming that they need the opinion of a straight white male on literally every issue relating to them. That should be the easiest thing in the world for us to do, because it literally involves doing nothing.

It seems like a good first step, hell it isn't even a step.