Sex, relationships, emotions.

A friend of mine posted on Facebook today about another "friend" of hers who had been talking about how he believed that all or most women were gold digging cheaters these days, it was bugging her, understandably, being a woman and not to my knowledge a gold digging cheater herself. A cursory view of his own profile suggested that the guy is a tool, which to be honest, I had already assumed, but was proven correct by a high incidence of pro gun and military memes along with a shit ton of anti democrat stuff. That, along with the pro pot posts, of which there are plenty, suggests to me that he is a Libertarian, who, as you know, are the shittiest Republicans pretty much.

Enough with the insulting of strangers on the internet (seriously do you jerk off to firearm videos?) I want to talk about the assumptions he makes regarding relationships, he seems to be very pro traditional marriage and really wants someone who loves him for him and won't cheat on him or care too much about money. Admirable goals on the surface, but they take a new meaning when the person who holds them is a shitty person. Except traditional marriage, I've found that anyone who really cares about that is also kind of a bigot, and by kind of a mean a huge bigot, not saying don't get married, hell I am married, but I also don't give two shits if anyone who isn't me chooses to get married, and I don't define my life by that.

Where was I, oh yeah I can't stand the idea that love is unconditional, fuck that, you need to deserve it, and so does your partner. Only you can decide who you love, and if you find someone who has decided to love you then great, but the work is just beginning, you don't take it for granted, you don't assume that you can be a shit and automatically get forgiven because love conquers all. You've found someone who loves you, so your job is to be the best you possible from then on, and you do it joyfully, because the person who loves you and who you love in return deserves it, just as you deserve it from them. You know the saying "do what you love and you will never work a day in your life?" It's like that, it is work, but if you are doing it right it doesn't usually feel like it. But you still have to do it anyway.

Cheating, trust is kind of a big deal in most relationships, but it can't be forced, when I see someone going on about trust, I think that this is a person who will be pretty invasive and require a lot of work to keep calm. If you start requiring someone prove themselves to you, then that usually says more about you than it does about them, and it shows exactly how much respect you hold for them. Every once in a while Zena hangs out with friends, sometimes she even goes out of town for a day to meet them, I will admit to the occasional feeling of paranoia during those times, but I recognize it for what it is and don't make her account for her movements because that would be a stupid thing to do and I respect her integrity.
This doesn't mean trust blindly! If someone seems untrustworthy then you should follow up on that feeling, you do that by having a conversation with them, perhaps more than one, then you decide if you can trust them or not, if the answer is no, then the next step is to not be in a relationship with them.

These days I guess monogamy shouldn't be assumed, so that is a conversation you have at the beginning of a relationship, and perhaps periodically during it as well, you set expectations for the both of you, then you live assuming your partner will meet those expectations or let you know if they become unbearable.

Let's talk about money, people say that money shouldn't count for much in a relationship, but those people are idiots. Money is fucking important, we live in an abusively capitalistic society, and the majority of us are in a position where one unexpected major expense is all it takes to utterly destroy our financial life, costing jobs, cars, homes, and lives. We can't control the unexpected, but we can control for our personal finances, and wanting someone to care about finances is not an unreasonable thing, it perhaps shouldn't be the only consideration for a relationship, but it absolutely should be a dealbreaker if your partner shows no interest in either getting or keeping cash, and especially if they show no interest in working together on a budget.

The point is, there needs to be a bit of thought going into things when you start a relationship with someone, note that I mean a long term reasonably serious relationship, obviously if banging some random person you find at a bar every weekend does it for you then I ain't gonna judge, and you don't have to care about most of this stuff, you get your own, perhaps more intense, set of concerns to worry about and that is plenty.

The other point is, when a certain type of person puts a lot of effort into caring about this stuff, it rings alarm bells because it sounds a lot like a person who doesn't actually want to expend any effort, they essentially want a loyal sex slave/housekeeper and that is pretty fuckin' creepy if you ask me. And if you flip it around, and it is the woman who is demanding these things, the man becomes offended, how dare they question his honor?

Anyway, I guess I don't really have a real thesis here, but the whole thing started a thought process and now here we are.