Star Wars

I hate the phrase "That raped my childhood" first because using the word rape in any context other than to describe unwanted sexual contact is inappropriate and disrespectful, and also because it is really annoying hyperbole, no it didn't, shut up.

The phrase is used to describe movies generally, though any pop culture remake will have it applied to it at some point, the upcoming Ghostbusters film will I am sure be slammed with that phrase, as well as actual rape threats against the actresses, because men are still by and large horrible people. it makes little sense because the existence of a bad sequel, or remake, does nothing to change the original, if the Transformers cartoon was close to your heart growing up, then the admittedly abominable Michael Bay films will not be to your liking, or indeed to the liking of any right thinking person, however that has done nothing to change the original series, and your memories are still there.

So shitty remakes and sequels don't bother me usually, well, more than any other really horrible movie bothers me that is.

There is of course, one exception, that of the Star Wars original trilogy, in this case, remakes sorta did effect the original in that Lucas redid the originals too and it is damned hard to find copies that are not special edition remasters anymore, but I still have my memories, and I love those movies, all three of them, it is a tradition of ours to rewatch them every Thanksgiving season, and while we usually don't pay close attention, they are a lot of fun even so.

The prequels are among the worst examples of storytelling, acting, and world building that ever made it out of the script phase. It is clear that George Lucas is not a good storyteller, and if the legends are true, it was only input from others that kept the original trilogy so sane and well done.

It's hard to explain the sense of adventure and investment those movies evoke, they were famous for at the time revolutionary special effects, but there was a solid story, with every major character (except Chewie) getting a story arc that makes sense and provides a satisfying conclusion, from Luke's journey in the Force, to Han and Leia's love story, to the redemption of Darth Vader and the death of the Emperor, it's a well done space opera and perhaps the last example of its kind thatimpacted the public consciousness.

All of which makes the prequels so painful for those like me, we went from a story driven adventure that happened to have fun special effects, to a special effects extravaganza that substituted huge  heaps of awkward and poorly written dialogue in place of doing what movies are best at, showing, not telling.

A New Hope opens with the attack on Leia's ship, her capture, an the escape of the droids to Tatooine.
The Phantom Menace opens with a pair of Jedi being sent to a group of racist caricatures in hopes of negotiating an end to the trade blockade of the planet Naboo, which they have done because of taxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz--- Yeah, friggin exciting, sure it inevitably descends into a long action scene, most things to in the prequels, but there is no weight to it, there is no real character growth either.

Luke Skywalker went from a kind of whiny kid who was generally an okay guy, to a Jedi apprentice who clearly was fighting with the Dark Side the entire time, he made mistakes, learned from them, an at the end won the day not by fighting, but with words and appeals to humanity.

Meanwhile, Anakin starts out as the worlds most annoying kid, hits on a woman like 8 years older than him, grows into an equally annoying teenager, and when confronted with the temptations of the dark side, succumbs to them without much of a fight at all, literally Palpatine just says "Do it!" and he's killing Mace Windu and a whole bunch of kids without a second thought, then Obi-Wan cuts his limbs off and leaves him for dead. He had no growth, his temptation was not convincing because we never saw any real effort to avoid it. He learned nothing and then the movies ended.

In A New Hope, Vader kills his former master, and then discovers his son is alive, at various points during the series we can see his desire to reconnect in the only way he knows how, by trying to rule the Galaxy, and at the end he realizes that his son made the choices he should have made, and atones in the only way possible. That is a great arc! He expresses the nobility Obi-Wan described in A New Hope and even justifies the decision not to kill him.
But if you watch the prequels he didn't earn that, this heroism comes out of nowhere because we never really saw it before, no respect for his teachers, no expressed desire to do good, bring light to the darkness or confront evil, just whine whine whine massacre.

Speaking of Obi-Wan, he's a damned idiot, at every turn in the prequels he makes the exact wrong choice, fails to stop any of the disasters from happening, and learns nothing in the process, in A New Hope he is played wonderfully as a mature, thoughtful Jedi Master who is aware of his power and the consequences of his decisions, his sacrifice at the hands of Vader was needed to teach Luke that there are more ways to win than by fighting, and there are other sorts of power than that of the sword.

In the prequels once again, we see none of that, his  master Qui-Gon chides him occasionally for being impetuous, but we never see him learn from his mistakes, an remember his mistakes included taking Anakin from his home and training him to be a Jedi over the wishes of the council, including those of Master Yoda. He wildly misinterpreted a prophecy, and directly helped cause the downfall of the Old Republic, but at no point do we see him acknowledge those mistakes, he just blindly causes damage and oh yeah, supports the use of the clone army, which worked out nicely for all involved.

I mentioned Yoda, Yoda never fought in the original trilogy, it was unclear if he even owned a Lightsaber. Yoda new that wars not make one great, and that the Force was all he needed, but he didn't need to fight, he tried to teach that to Luke, but it was only at the very end when Luke learned that lesson.

In the prequels he supports the use of the clone army and takes the field himself in a Lightsaber duel with Christopher Lee, he may as well have been a different character for all the similarities to his later self, and he doesn't even have the excuse of being young! being eight hundred plus at the time.

It's just disappointing, it was the backstory to the greatest science fiction trilogy of all time, and it turned into such schlock, visually quite wonderful, but without any feeling of weight or meaning, watching it in chronological order sucks the wonder out of the setting, and the respect out of the characters.

I am leaving out things like Jar-Jar, the questions brought up by the presence of the droid due, and the stupid fucking idea of Midichlorians, but believe me I have problems with those too.

In fact, let's talk about Midichlorians, the Force, we are told, "is an energy field, it surrounds us, penetrates us, binds the universe together" Life generates it and sustains it, makes it grow, and those with the ability and training can tap into it for various purposes, the least of which is to help them fight things, it is a philosophy more than a science, and the Jedi describe it as almost a living being in its own right.

Unless you watch the prequels, in which case microorganisms in your body make you good at telekinesis and shit.
Why even do that? You had a perfectly good explanation and basis for a philosophy, why do a BS science explanation that nobody needed and doesn't actually help drive the plot?
I feel like George Lucas really must have hated the original trilogy and has been trying to undo it for the last thirty years, and he is sort of succeeding.

I still love Star Wars, but I can't watch the movies anymore without feeling a bit bitter about what he turned it into, there was a magic there, captured briefly, it is gone now and I can only relive brief hints of what it was. The world is a little darker and that is hard to forgive.