Part 2 I guess

Okay so maybe taking a break in my thoughts wasn't the best idea because I am not sure where I was going with my previous post, let's see if I can come up with something.

I've been thinking about communities lately, not like, neighborhoods and such, but the kind of community you find with people who are interested in the same thing as you, nerd shit basically but it can be anything, gaming, pop culture, writing, whatever.

Now communities are great, particularly ones that help folks outside the mainstream find stuff to do and friends to do it with, but they come with risks, ask any regular con-goer and they can tell you any number of stories of the creepy dude(it's almost always a dude) who comes to every con and harasses the women there, sometimes to the point of police intervention, but who never seems to be kicked out of the scene. Sometimes they are members of the con staff or otherwise filling a role in the event or industry that cannot easily be replaced, sometimes they are just a member of the group.

Literally any person who has been part of a convention scene for more than a year knows a story like that.

Then there are the gatekeepers, these people tend to be dillholes and exist in their minds as arbiters of who are the "True fans", "Serious gamers" or otherwise worthy of being included and having opinions. They would be bad enough on their own, but they can overlap with the creepy fans described above too, worse, their presence and influence can inhibit anything being done about problems in the community.

At a recent niche convention an event happened that made a lot of people uncomfortable and they expressed it, comment threads on social media blew up and while there was a lot of good discussion, the gatekeepers came out too, calling those offended "snowflakes" and otherwise gaslighting the commentators.

Again, anyone who has been part of a scene will know a story like this.

Toxicity like that doesn't just go away, in the case I am thinking of an apology was made as well as promises to prevent similar things from happening again, but the gatekeepers are still there, and as long as any power is in their hands then it will be hard to change that culture and for people to "get over" the recent events.

People stay in bad situations for any number of reasons, for communities it can get to be a habit, you think of yourself as a fan, or nerd, pick your specific descriptor, and your identity becomes part of it. You shut your eyes and explain away the bad stuff because the good stuff is so damn good, and it was there when you needed it, provided a way for you to develop a part of your identity. But identities aren't static, and people do evolve, sometimes they get to the point where they can't overlook the bad stuff anymore, and they can't change it themselves. I think a lot of people wait too long to come to that decision, and suffer for it.

A group needs to be able to take criticism, more than that it needs to seek out criticism, because what doesn't work is probably more important to know than what does work. If a group dynamic is set up in a way that there is not a way to honestly raise issues and be taken seriously, then it is likely to become toxic if it isn't already. A good convention will provide feedback forms, a good social group will have people feel comfortable bringing up issues they experience, and so on. Learning that it is okay to criticize is on overlooked tool as well, just because something has helped, and has been good, doesn't mean it can't be better or help more.

And if all else fails, being able to decide that you don't need it, that the cost of keeping it in your life outweighs the benefits and then walking away is the only responsible outcome, because in the end your social group can't be your entire life and making the decision to avoid being hurt, or being associated with something that is hurting others, is not a bad thing at all.


I dunno, I got lost there a bit, but there ya go.