How to not be accused of sexual harrassment

If there is one thing that all of humanity seems to have in common, regardless of race, politics, religion, or wealth, it appears to be that men are awful and will always abuse any power they have to force women to have sex with them.

I am sorry, I misspoke and might have given the wrong impression about men with power, I didn't mean force women to have sex, I meant rape them, they rape them.

As you are probably aware, it came out over the weekend that Harvey Weinstein systematically abused his power over the last few decades to sexually assault, harass, and rape probably dozens of women, he has since been fired from his company and his wife left him, so that is nice, but he is far from the only man with power and influence to do so, and surely not the last.

This leads me to another thing, the silicon valley businesses have been having a pretty consistent issue with sexual harassment accusations over the years, and some are going so far as to cancel meetings or change their meeting policy with women to avoid those accusations. There is a fairly large amount of money to be made in advising business leaders how to avoid accusations of sexual harassment, and much hand wringing about how all of this is distracting from business and preventing women from being viewed as equals or some shit.

Let's be clear, I have not even a speck of sympathy for these assholes who have to at least try to treat women like people, it amazes me that the one thing they could do, right now, to prevent any possibility of sexual harassment accusations seems to have escaped them utterly.

That would be not sexually harassing women.

"But what about fake accusations?" I hear you cry. Shut the fuck up.

See, all these people worrying about being accused are making changes like open door meetings, or making sure they don't meet alone with women, or something else, and that is fine I guess, it keeps incidents(probably) from happening during those meetings, but they don't change their basic views that make sexual harassment a problem in the first place, and that is their idea that a woman is primarily and always a potential place for them to put their penis.

These people, like the president, exist in a world where everything is about them, and the idea that they could simply not treat women like sex objects doesn't even occur to them, and business culture is informed by what the boss does. It permeates everything, if the boss sets an atmosphere where sex jokes are the norm, and female employees are called "babe" or similar, where constant microaggressions reinforce the idea that the women are there for the pleasure of men, then sexual harassment is a certainty and the only questions become when it will get reported and who will get in trouble.

I am not a wealthy man, but in my own job I have a position where I am in relatively close quarters at night with young, pretty women who are friendly to me, and I am also their "boss" in the sense that I have influence over what their tasks are. And yet I have no idea if they want to have sex with me, odds are they don't, but that isn't the point, the point is that topic will never, ever, come up at work because why the fuck would it? It isn't a dating service, it's a job, that topic of conversation is not one that will ever be raised because there is no possible reason for it to be so.

Yet somehow all these CEO's, industry executives, Hollywood producers, and so on, keep finding themselves in positions where they simply had to tell someone who works for them that they should fuck them if they want to keep their job? They got in situations where the only possible solution was to whip their dicks out in front of aspiring actresses? Couldn't they just have, you know, not done that? It isn't like these women are lining up at the door to suck their dick, they could have avoided any accusation of sexual harassment by not fucking sexually harassing anyone. It is literally only their fault.that this happens and I could not have any less sympathy.

This isn't a complicated concept, in a work environment you restrict your conversation to work, it isn't hard, usually there is a lot at work to talk about, if you must talk about other things talk about the weather, or the last (non-porn) movie you saw, or how shitty your sports team is, basically any topic that doesn't include sex, your dick, or the body parts of the person you are talking to. Also leave off politics and religion as well. Bam, done.

But what about outside the work environment? Well there it gets a little more complicated, without the structure imposed by the office or business duties, people can get a little lost, and it can build morale if the boss or supervisor is seen as part of the team once in a while, so going to a bar with the gang, or out to dinner or something similar is an acceptable thing to do on occasion sure, but what to talk about?

You are generally pretty safe if you restrict your conversation to work, usually there is a lot at work to talk about, if you must talk about other things talk about the weather, or the last (non-porn) movie you saw, or how shitty your sports team is, basically any topic that doesn't include sex, your dick, or the body parts of the person you are talking to. Also leave off politics and religion as well. Bam, done.

But what if I find myself alone with one of my subordinates, who I also want to touch my dong, outside of work? What then?

First off, don't do that, there is rarely any reason for a boss to meet with one person outside of work, but if it happens then I suggest you restrict your conversation to work, usually there is a lot at work to talk about, if you must talk about other things talk about the weather, or the last (non-porn) movie you saw, or how shitty your sports team is, basically any topic that doesn't include sex, your dick, or the body parts of the person you are talking to. Also leave off politics and religion as well. Bam, done.

The key element here is that your desire to have sex does not trump anyone else' right to be a person with agency of their own, if they don't want to have sex with you, and fellas, they really don't want to have sex with you, then they won't! If they do want to have sex with you, then they will make it clear and your next stumbling block is your marriage(of course you are married) and your HR policies, which are beyond the scope of this post.