It isn't about you

If there is one least helpful and most annoying thing someone who claims to be an ally can do, it is moving into the "Not All ____" argument (Shortened form here on to NAB, for Not All Blank). Of course it is also a great way for actual enemies of a cause to completely derail discussion as well, but for the moment I want to address it as it relates to people who think they are helping.

You aren't, you are hurting, and kind of being a tool as well.

A friend of mine made a post no Facebook yesterday about the hypocrisy of religious bigots demanding freedom to oppress others, and the very first response was a seemingly well meaning person who was Christian making an NAB statement, the remainder of the response thread was my friend assuring her religious friends that her statement wasn't directed at them, when it should have been obvious.

Now, I don't know if she was looking to begin a discussion or just venting her feelings and didn't particularly care about how people responded at that time, my guess is it wasn't a big deal for her and that is fine, but it serves as a good example of how this works.

If you are an ally, then you should never be making an NAB statement, if you are an enemy, well fuck you but I can't control what you do. Here's the thing, just like Dr. Strange, you haven't learned the most important lesson of all.

It isn't about you.

I am white, and straight, and a male, which means my demographic is... let's say it is part of the problem generally, what problem you ask? Well most of them really, my demographic elected a fascist, is hella racist, violent, and is full of sex offenders. I am none of those things, so when I see a POC or woman refer to white people or males negatively you might think I am justified in saying "But wait! I am not like that at all!" The thing is, they don't care, that isn't the point, it isn't about me. I know I am not one of those things, my role is to keep not being one of those things while acknowledging that there are a great many people who fit my description who are, and that is the problem.

When you say NAB, what you are really saying is "Not me" and you are then insisting that everyone acknowledge that and make you feel better before they can talk about the actual problem, you have gone and turned a conversation that should have been about injustice or something into an ego stroking activity that helps only you.

It's pretty fuckin' dumb and you should stop that now. If it is about you, someone will let you know, if it isn't about you(and it probably isn't) then shut up for fucks sake.