Warcraft: The movie

I watched the trailers for the Warcraft movie the other day and I really want to be impressed, but I can't, they look like shit, and probably are shit.


Some background, Warcraft is a strategy game from Blizzard Entertainment, it was released in 1994 and has had a couple sequels, he most notable being World of Warcraft, now in decline but still the most popular MMORPG the world has ever known.

A movie has been in production of some sort for much more than a decade now, and I think that someone finally just forced the studio to shit something out. And shit something out they did.

I ask you does anyone remember the plot of Warcraft? How about Warcraft II? No of course you don't because those games are two decades old and no one gives a shit about them anymore, yet they appear to have decided that they must start at the beginning to truly tell the story or some shit. It is baffling, their audience plays World if Warcraft, and perhaps has played Warcraft III, which is basically the WoW prequel game, it sets up like seventy five percent of the major stories in WoW and introduces all the most influential characters. Make that movie! People will want to see Arthas go from paladin to Lich King, the corruption and redemption of Grom Hellscream, and the introduction of the Night Elves with Sylvanas becoming the Banshee Queen. If you don't know what I am talking about it at least sounds cool right?

But no, we get something about orcs invading human lands and fighting amongst themselves, and of course there is a female orc who is a love interest for the human main character, good thing lady orcs are basically green skinned human with cute tusks. Male orcs are giant monsters who can lift horses.
Another argument to make WCIII instead, you want a sexy female character? You get elves! Every elf is sexy, that is like the defining trait of elves, that and being assholes, you don't have to blatantly turn a species into something for the male gaze when one is already made for you.

The trailer puzzles me, if a trailer is supposed to show the best stuff then this movie is gonna suck so hard, the CG is very pretty, I'll give it that, but the integration with live actors is abysmally bad, it looks like a gameplay trailer from about five years ago, hell given how long this movie has been in production it might well be using assets from back then.

The movie looks to be primarily orcs vs humans, but there are dwarfs too, briefly shown, as if the creators were ashamed of them but knew they had to at least acknowledge their presence, and they should be ashamed, they look stupid, they look like character designs Peter Jackson rejected for the Hobbit movies because they looked to silly, they looks like someone hit the random  button on the WoW character creator and then said yes! These are our dwarfs!

They look stupid and I hate them.

So I am totally gonna go see the movie when it comes out, I do not have high hopes, like at all, but I hope to be amusingly enraged, we all need things to look forward to after all.