Job hunting sucks

Looking for work sucks, I know I am saying nothing new here but it's what on my mind so that is what you get.

I have a hard time putting myself forward, by far the worst part of starting Unplugged Games for me was going to strangers and asking them for money, or to rent to me. It is terrifying for me to tell strangers I deserve their trust.

You put yourself out there and show a complete stranger the credentials you have spent your life gathering, and 99% of the time you don't ever hear from them again, the lucky ones get a rejection phone call or email, sometimes you get an interview and then a rejection and get to spend however long wondering what you did wrong, say the wrong thing, wear the wrong clothes, not confident enough, too confident? You never really know and it's pretty horrible for most.

For me it expresses as a sort of paralyses, it isn't like I am trying to avoid looking for a job, not really, but after staring at an application, or my resume, or an open file labeled "Cover letter" for fifteen minutes, the urge to do anything else, or rather to not do that, becomes almost overwhelming and suddenly it's three AM and I played Freecell, fucking Freecell, for an hour and a half and then try to convince myself that the job isn't one I want anyway. That works more often than I would like to admit.

Now I am working on that, and my current work situation is a pretty good motivator to get another job, but it's a process that isn't always easy, rather it is never easy and it gets harder each time a resume goes out into the ether and is never heard from again. I even had difficulty with these blog posts, because it is putting myself out there, even though I expect literally nothing out of them, I am still saying to the world that something I produce is worth other people's attention and fear being told I am wrong about that.

I realize the above is basically every writer ever, and I am not saying I am special or have a unique perspective on that, I also have no solution other than to just do it anyway, which I acknowledge can be difficult to impossible to do sometimes. I am not even really complaining about the system, man, that means I have to expose myself to stress and disappointment. It basically is what it is and employers certainly do need a way to narrow down their applicant pool. I guess I could take issue with the whole increasingly unnecessary and outdated capitalist system in general, but that is another issue entirely I think.

My personal issues are exactly that, personal, I don't expect anyone else to fix them for me and let's be honest here, what can anyone else do? Go to my interviews? Apply for my jobs for me? I'll figure it out, I'll get it done.

It's just hard sometimes.