Anniversary

Today marks the two year anniversary of this blog project, I have tapered off a little bit of late, which I am not too happy with and will work on, but for the most part it has updated consistently for those times, missing perhaps a couple dozen days at most, which makes it the second longest lasting project I have ever worked on, the first being my store. This is somewhat less ambitious but still fairly satisfying.

Today I interacted with people, which isn't really my thing usually but it worked out well. I went to the movies with my grandmother, we saw Logan, me for the second time, she for her first, it was nice, still a damn fine movie and probably will be in Oscar contention though it won't win any of the big awards.

I went to my local game store and bought my usual box of whatever new set is out, in this case Modern Masters 2017, I pulled a lot of good stuff and ran into some of my old crowd from my shop, we ended up playing a game that lasted about three hours and I forgot that I was supposed to come home and play a different game via chat with other friends, but I don't really regret it. I haven't really seen any friends socially in... months I think, except for Max's birthday party I guess. It was good to have a little bit of social interaction that isn't family, or Zena, not that we are sick of each other or anything, but they fill different needs.

If I had to put a label on myself I would call myself an introvert, if I had to get diagnosed I might have some form of anxiety disorder, but on that I am not sure. Being in groups of people, particularly loud ones, stresses me out a great deal, it's incredibly draining even if I enjoy what I am doing, more so if I don't, so when work is busy I am very unhappy, even though it means secure employment and more tips. I do a good job for the most part of hiding it at work but it plays a large role in me not really doing anything once I get home because all I want to do is sit and stare at a screen or book and just check out of reality as much as possible.

It isn't like I am suffering, I am pretty self sufficient and low maintenance as far as entertainment goes. And like I said, Zena and I aren't exactly sick of each other or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't like seeing friends and doing stuff, it just means I often don't have the mental energy to do so.

Being an introvert is a popular thing to do among internet denizens, and of course like any self applied label it has to be as special as possible, we aren't merely boring recluses, oh no, we live in worlds of imagination and don't need outside validation, that our worlds of imagination almost always include Dr. Who and anything by Joss Whedon should go without saying, but rarely does. These introvert memes also often include some exhortation to friends to be patient with us, and treat us with kid gloves because we are special or some shit, it isn't our fault that the world is stressful, besides, all these people with their partying, and drinking, and liking pop music are idiots anyway, wouldn't you rather sit down with a book? It's all just so fucking smug.

But you know, it sorta is our fault, not that the world is stressful, but how we react to it is in a way, obviously we can't control how social situations stress us out, but that doesn't change that it is us that are the ones being stressed, it isn't anyone else' fault that happens, nor is it their responsibility to make everything comfortable for us when our definition of comfortable differs from many others, nor is it their responsibility to keep inviting us to things when we always back out at the last second, those are on us. "Oh, but I am special" doesn't exempt us from the responsibilities  (and yes, there are responsibilities) of friendship. Their responsibility, just as our is, is to be nice to us, and try to be there if we need them. No more and no less.

Being introverted isn't a good excuse, it's a real personality characteristic but it isn't an excuse, not all the time. If you like living in your own world then great! That is wonderful and I sympathize, but if you can't get yourself out of your own world once in a while, that isn't anyone's fault but your own.

I would like to emphasize that I am not describing people with real depression and anxiety issues, which are a whole different situation that I have spoken of before. Nor am I saying that anyone is a bad person for not wanting to go out and party, I am just saying that everyone else who does want to do that isn't bad either, and should be forgiven for not catering to your whim when they do so.

The point is, I had a nice time seeing people I haven't seen in a while today, it felt good, and I hope to be able to do so more regularly soon.